The gang

It's the whole gang down in Florida, just chillin out and making sure the sand doesn't go anywhere. It was a difficult job. 

More dolphin fun!

First, Molly takes a tow.
 
Then Maddie joins in the fun.
 
Jill tries to hide, but the dolphin finds her anyway. Dolphins are very smart. Not even sunglasses can fool them.
 

Hangin with the dolphins

Splashing with the dolphins...
 
Petting the dolphin...
 
Sam wants to join the dolphins...
 

Great "feel-good" story

DNA Evidence Frees Man From Zoo

PHOENIX, AZ—Zoo staff transported Panovich by helicopter to his Mesa, AZ home, where he was released into his yard and reintroduced to his mate and two young.

Cool stuff!

Don't click this link unless you have a lot of time on your hands!! I mean, in the top row alone you've got The Ministry of Silly Walks, The Dead Parrot, and the Argument Clinic! Don't say you haven't been warned.

And a bonus time waster...

Q) What do you call the person who graduated last in medical school?








A) Doctor!

Facepainting day in Daycare...

...and Sam was a puppy!
 
 
 
 

Industrial Accident

So we finally got him interested in his BIG TRUCK DADDY! And he spent half an hour pushing his juice around the driveway in it.



And then....CRASH....big accident!

And now I'll just show off my camera a bit

51 Pics of Sam and a...oh wait, it's only 3 pics of Sam and a sprinkler

BUT, I have 48 more!

He was having fun just getting wet all over.

More silliness 'cause I just can't resist it!!!!

1) A man left work one Friday afternoon. Being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spent his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

2) HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN

Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, carees her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN

Arrive naked ... with beer.

3) Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking ... and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away ... Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ...?"

4) A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies," He responded.

"Oh, killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?

He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."

Why am I the only enjoying all this hilarity I asks ya?

Q) Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A) They won't stop to ask directions.
I don't hear any laughter. Hey, that was clever! C'mon!

Q) How do you know that the driver driving toward you is a physicist?
A) He has a red sticker on his bumper, saying: "If this sticker is blue, you are driving too fast."
Hey, now that is REALLY clever. What? No science buffs out there? Am I the only one who reads this stuff? Oh, yeah, I am. I forgot.

OK, enough torture for now. So finally...

A teacher asks her students if they're Cowboys fans. All of the hands go up except for one student. "Okay, Sam. What team are you a fan of?"

"The Redskins."

"Why's that?" "Well, my parents are both Redskins fans, so I'm a Redskins fan too."

"That's not a good answer, Sam. If your parents were both morons, would you be a moron too?"

"No, that would make me a Cowboys fan!"

So I'm a Dad and all, and well, here's some Dad frolicking

You can click here to check out the full size version of all of these pics.

Oh, and by the way, as the DAD WITH THE CAMERA, I'm not actually IN ANY OF THE FATHER'S DAY PICTURES.

I'M NOT YELLING. SAM PUT PEANUT BUTTER IN MY KEYBOARD AND THE SHIFT IS STUCK.

The Godfather

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me. But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead.

You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple od bambino, some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife in be with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, "TIMES UP"?

Before and after

Now you can kind of see what's going on with the deck finally!

 

The POOL IS OPEN!

 

Some fun jokes for a Friday afternoon!

#1) On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "And get me a whiskey you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee.

When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whiskey you idiot". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whiskey but still no coffee.

Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you".

The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"

#2) A family of moles had been hibernating all winter. One beautiful spring morning, they woke up. The father mole stuck his head out of the hole and looked around. "Mother Mole!" He called back down the hole. "Come up here! I smell honey, fresh made honey!" The mother mole ran up and squeezed in next to him. "That's not honey, that's maple syrup! I smell maple syrup!" The baby mole, still down in the hole, was sulking. "I can't smell anything down here but molasses ..."

New "Eastern Shore" Barbie's

Mattel recently announced the release of several limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Eastern Shore market:


"West Nithsdale Barbie"

This princess Barbie is sold only at the Tyson's Corner Galleria. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade and Coach Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey, and a brand new 7,500 square foot McMansion. Available with or without tummy tuck and facelift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

"Ocean Pines Barbie"

The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Her three children (all under the age of 5), Nextel cell phone, and Bartender Ken are all sold separately.

"Pocomoke Barbie"

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a Glock 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, nunchucks, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills), unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

"St. Michaels Barbie"

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2, and a perfectly restored 200 year old waterfront farmhouse. Also includes her own Starbucks cup, credit cards, and country club membership. Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper are available separately but you won't be able to afford any of them.

"Accomac Barbie"

This pale model comes dressed in her own Faded Glory jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt, and tattoo. She has a six-pack of Schlitz and a box set of Toby Keith CD's. She can spit over 5 feet and kicks Mullet-Haired Ken's ass when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a free Confederate flag bumper sticker.

"Ocean City Barbie"

This salon-tanned Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks apple martinis while entertaining friends. She works as a waitress at Seacrets, dates surfers or musicians, and gets her Percocets in five gallon buckets.

"Willards Barbie"

This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beergut Ken away from Ocean City Barbie's condo. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Mobile home is rented on a monthly basis.

"Rehobeth Beach Barbie"

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. Rehobeth Beach Barbie is available only in sets of two, and they do not want or need a Ken doll. A rainbow flag bumper sticker is free with the optional Subaru wagon or Prius.

"Church Street Barbie"

This Barbie is 15 years old. Stroller is included with premature crack baby. Optional accessories include a GED and welfare card. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were formerly available, but are now very difficult to find since the arrival of the baby.

"Easton Barbie"

She believes she's perfect in every way. We don't know where Hunter Ken is because he's always out, well, a-huntin'.

GASP! A post without a picture of SAM! Is it possible?

Yes, it's true! There will be no picture of Sam in this entire post.

Well, except this one. And since you're now safely past it, there's no use in worrying about me lying to you! Enjoy the rest of this nonsensical collection of un-Sam-related-stuff! In fact, I can guarantee that there will be no more mention of He-who-has-already-been-named-enough in this post. Take that, samnit.

So if you're like me, you get forwarded emails all the time. Well I saved up a collection of some of them and decided to stick them up here. (Don't know why, exactly, since nearly every one of them came from the 5 people already reading this website!) Actually I tried to do this once before and just got sidetracked by Monty Python.

(And I'll send a check for 1 bazillion dollars to the person who can correctly identify the Python reference already used in this post. I'll post date it. A lot. It'll take centuries to float.)

Let the hilarity ensam...ah, I mean, ensue!

#1) Who's working anyway? Or Why am I so tired?

The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 15 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with Iraq.
Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city governments.
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are,
Sitting on your ass,
At your computer, reading jokes.

Nice. Real nice.

#2) Cool Trivia

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"

Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this....)

The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400

The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

111,1 11,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace

Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All were invented by women.

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey

Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down."
It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

#3) YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.

I guess I'll finish the rest up later! Enjoy!

I believe Sam likes balloons

In fact, he likes them so much he's had them tatooed.

On his face.

Great. We're already parents of a punk rocker. What's next? He'll probably do something radical like having his pituitary gland pierced. Kids these days....sheesh!

Sam likes peanut butter apparently

And I have a theory about why...because when he does this and then wipes his face on the couch, everyone goes nuts.

Brett Fa-va-ra

Brett Favre Demands Trade To 1996 Packers

GREEN BAY—Three-time MVP and undisputed future Hall of Fame quarterback Brett Favre, disappointed with the Packers' refusal to aggressively pursue receiver Randy Moss and frustrated with his team's apparent indifference to making immediate...

Wayne's Birthday Party!

Here's the link to the photo album I've got of our trip to Yorktown to surprise Wayne for his 60th birthday!

Here's a preview...most of the rest of the pictures are of Sam and Nora!